Preppy is the New Hipster

I am sitting in my office right now with two strips of a gelly-like bleach stubstance on my teeth. In addition to burning the shit out my gums, this strange and superficial activity makes me wonder about the price of beauty. Like, it is worth this pain for an hour a day, just so my teeth will look unnaturally white, like Burt Reynolds. Probably.

As a sometime smoker and an all the time coffee drinker, I have come to accept that the color of my teeth with hover around the shades in between a yellow post-it note and the cute cream color sweater that I bought a few weeks ago. I like both those things, so I didnt really have a problem with it, besides I have been so focused on my flossing activities that I totally forgot about the color of my pearly whites. Last week my mother sent me some "white stripes" with a note saying picture time is coming up(a family party celebrating my brothers green card-courthouse marriage to a sicilian immigrant). I was offended by this. Most likely because I am immature I get pissed when my mother tells me what to do. She is right, and here I sit at the office hoping no one with come by and wonder how many days it has been since I brushed my teeth. These Meg and Jack Whites make my teeth look filmy like 4 days of built up plaque.

Teeth are really weird. I used to date a dentist, and his offectionate nickname for me was "baby tooth". I think he might of also be some sort of sociopath. At least that was the feeling I got when he made me make out with him at his dental office. I liked it. More on Dr. Yuen later.