Preppy is the New Hipster

So I received this email from one of my friends who frequently makes cameos on my P is the new H. Please feel free to post any thought or suggetions as to what has happened. Also I can tell you that this is totally a true story bc I witnessed the evidence.

I woke up this morning to 3 startling observations:
1.) a broken glass on my desk, with shards of glass on the carpet
2.) a new ITunes playlist of one song, titled {/
3.) a wet sock next to the shards of glass, which presumably I used to soakup the water
4.) a few small drops of dried blood in my bedSince then, I have examined EVERY part of my body and for the life of mecould not find a single cut.

Which leads me to a few possibilities:
1,) I stole the virginity of an unidentified female and she promptly leftafter I passed out, dunking one of my socks in a glass of water and thenbreaking the glass on her way out.
2.) An injured bird flew into my window, dribbled blood on the bed, stoleone of my socks to use as a nest, then the sock dropped from its beak andfell in the water, which prompted the bird to unsuccessfully try and fish itout
3.)I broke the glass because I was drunk and tired, took off my sock toclean up the spill, then while sleeping I bled from one of my orifices, notexcluding an ear or an eyeball