Preppy is the New Hipster

potential title for my chapter on london recap

2008-10-22T11:04:00.001-04:00

'I moved to london for a year, and all I got was a second rate MA and a drinking problem.'

WHAT?

2008-10-16T10:42:00.001-04:00

I can't believe I wanted to work for Current. I thought they were on the pulse, apparently not.

beautiful youth

2008-10-16T10:18:00.003-04:00

Ah the beauty of youth. this morning i was out walking my dog in the back yard. i have loads of mixed memories about these woods, but one set of these memories includes a series of pot smoking adventures.

So I was delighted to see someone was carrying on the tradition this morning. Although i didnt interupt a group of misguided children smoking a jay, I did see that someone had decoratively hung a little metal pipe eye-level on the tree near the entrance of the path. As far as I knew my mother was the only one who went back there, but apparently I was mistaken!

my commitment stinks

2008-10-13T17:43:00.002-04:00

I know, I know. All of the nay-sayers are right. I'm a quitter. I've given up on my blog. Well not totally. I am simply adjusting to the bucolic life of Somers. Things move slower out in the country and don't require a daily update. Also I haven't really been doing anything that warrants discussing.

But all that has changed! I'm planning a road trip. I think, as long as I get confirmation from my parents that it is okay, and stuff. The loose plan is to drive from DC to northwest arkansas for the spit on November 8. Potential stopovers include, Memphis Tennessee, Centerville Tennessee and Richmond, VA. Maybe other places, I'm not really sure if this is going to take off the ground. There are a lot of factors up in the air. Undoubtedly, it would probably be more convenient to drive, but well see.

Anyone want to come with?

Feeling pretty special.

2008-10-08T21:17:00.001-04:00

So even though I didn't get hired at RUSI this year. It still was doing something right. It won think-tank of the year from the Prospect Mag. Excitement.

oh somers

2008-10-08T14:19:00.001-04:00

im bored, and i want to come visit YOU! When should I?

watching the debate

2008-10-07T20:45:00.000-04:00

with my hard-core democratic mother. only tolerable after three glasses of wine and a good amount of jet-lag.

Also

2008-10-07T07:21:00.002-04:00

One the best things about coming home right now is that flannel shirts are really in, and we have got tons of them here! Big ones, light ones, heavy ones, its amazing. I was in the grocery store yesterday wearing a really big one with skinny jeans and my short hair cut and i heard a little boy asking his trashy looking mother if i was a boy! Its not the first time. Its hilarious.

Also do yourself a favor and buy Jenny Lewis' Acid Tongue. Oh maybe its been out here for a long time, but it just came out in london when i was leaving. so maybe(once again) i am behind the times.

Puppy envy

2008-10-07T06:44:00.002-04:00

So I got back to the States yesterday. It is beautiful here, all autumn-ish and chilly. I took Beau for a walk on a national trust cite not too far away. It was perfectly natural and serene. I was getting lost in my thoughts self-ishly wondering what I am going to do with my future, and watching Beau stick his nose into everything. For a moment, I became completely in awe of his ability to follow where is not let him go, not caring if it was on the trail or off or how many branches he has to dodge. I became totally envious of him because he was simply following his instincts, which is something that humans are not so skilled at because of this silly little thing called social conventions. I suppose if i was following my instincts I wouldnt not be able to move at all considering how many of them i have. There is the catch22 about the beauty and effortless of following ones instincts. Dogs excell in this area because they are smart/dumb enough to only have one.

This whole hypothesis went out the window when I had to stop Beau from chewing on what I initally thought was a rock, but turned out to be a joint bone of a long-gone deer.

me and beyonce

2008-10-04T08:45:00.002-04:00

didn't she sing a song about being an independent woman, or something like that? well either way we both have the hots for jay z.

I just booked a ticket to go see Liquid Liquid, Junior Boys and DJ Optimo at the Barbican tonight. All of my friends are either poor or busy, and then I told everyone else that I was leaving today. Just bc I wanted to. So it will be a solo-mission. I think I'm cool with it. Heavens knows i have been to these types of things alone before. should be great in fact. a perfect way to end up a good and independent year.

Tomorrow i get on a plane to go back where it all began.

also, I tried absynthe last night for the first time. In the form of a B-55. Its a layered shot. A shot of Absynthe, on top of a Shot of Baileys, on top of a shot of Kaluha. Since we tend to drink Baileys on christmas morning. it is going to be my suggestion for the morning christmas routine. its beautiful anyway.

not going to paris, but

2008-10-01T20:10:00.001-04:00

im not too dissapointed, i mean of course i am a little, but really ive got my hands full as it is. Now I get to relax a little in my last few day in town.

hold the phone

2008-10-01T12:23:00.003-04:00

perhaps i spoke too soon. i just tried to book eurostar tickets and there are none available. apparently there was a fire recently in the chunnel, which means reduced service. So. there is a flight for 340 pounds. i didnt feel comfortable paying that much without confirmation so i sent the homeboy in charge an email to get the okay. this was about an hour ago, and i havent heard from him. i gave him a cheaper option for saturday, which im hoping he doesnt take, but if he does ok.

i just hope he doesnt back out completely. that would suck.

Freaking out

2008-10-01T04:55:00.003-04:00

Yes, me. I am freaking out. So I'm leaving London in four days. I don't really have that much to do. I just bought some boxes, so I can get started with my packing, and other than that all I have to do is go to Barclays. Also, I have to figure out rent for the last week, ie how to pay it. Easy peasy.

Its a good thing that I don't have to much to do. Since on Friday, I have to go to Paris to interview for a GOB. Yes, you heard me correctly. Its almost too hard to believe. After a week of putting this position in Jackson Hole out of my head, I heard back from MT this morning. Asking me if I could come to Paris-expenses paid-for a job interview. So, after a couple of emails back and forth it looks like I'm headed to the Marriot Rive Gauche on Friday for an interview at 4.30.

I haven't been to Paris before so i'm thinking of staying there on Friday night too. I mean why not, right?

The apple store on regent street is a free internet cafe

2008-09-30T09:20:00.002-04:00

Apparently. There are loads of people in here. Using the internet. Writing emails, checking on directions, looking at maps. Its crazy. I mean does Apple even care? I don't think so. People around me are talking about how odd it is. There is something oddly satisfying about writing a post from an apple store. Its crazy in here.

I just got a hair cut this morning. It is actually really cool. It made me miss KJ, but also made me think i dont want to go back to him. i dont know. mixed emotions.

I have a tea date at the Wolseley with someone who likes me that i dont like. Oh well. i havent been to a tea before so it should be cool. I have been killing time this morning. trying on clothes that i dont need, and looking at myself in shop windows. its raining, and i am a little bored. probably bc i have a heavy bag.

Okay i should go. this is weird.

I feel like I'm high.

2008-09-29T10:41:00.003-04:00

It's weird. I don't know. Its almost like just did a whole eight ball, or I'm just about to have a panic attack. Which come to think of it are pretty much the same thing.

I think I'm happy?

Also a boy just offered to pay for my visa, which is so damn flattering.

ruthie b returns

2008-09-27T04:56:00.002-04:00

So yeah. I just bought a plane ticket to come back to the states on October 5th, which is like a week from right now. I'm so excited. Nothing went particularly wrong I was just un-motivated by the job search/visa situation here, and London is far to expensivo to be un-motivated in. Also, I have this perverse obcession with disaster. Like on 9/11 I really wanted to come back to the east coast, and now with the financial crisis I find myself really wanting to come back to the states. Weird, maybe i think i can help or something.

Honestly, though think of all the hot bankers on the rebound. How could a girl pass that up?

Also, I'm sick of living like a nomad, and not being able to afford a proper gym, and not having clothes dryers, and not having good access too healthy food and salads all the time.

Not sure what city I'm going to land in, but there will be a period of regrouping in Somers for sure.

Also, I miss having friends that can keep up with me. Lots of good stuff. I wish my beach house was more central I would throw a big weekend party. It would be rad, and there would be lots of daring to go jump in the water at midnight and stuff even though it would be really cold.

Gareth was not that good looking.

2008-09-26T05:52:00.006-04:00

I get such tunnel vision. A picture of him popped up on my facebook today, and goodness, I must have been wearing bloody mary sunglasses. I think I may have written this exact same post before. Ha. I need new material, clearly.

AJ has this policy (which he sometimes claims is not true, but duh it totally is) that he doesnt interact with unattractive people. I think this is really the best way to go. I'm sick of unattractive people. they are insecure and have way more, or just less interesting, issues than attractive people.

Sometimes when I think about about the gareths, the david pratts and the hot guy I saw on the valporetti that turned out to be a 50 year old retarded person, I like to think about Adam Swain, Mike Clifford and RSK. Those dudes were all total babes. Like in the way that other girls would hit on them even if I was there. That just feels good.

Who else were the ugly ones? Any ideas? I can't remember.

This is the day of sprawling posts

2008-09-25T14:51:00.002-04:00

Also. I'm really, not into Australians. I think we can all agree on the fact they are a little bit slutty and too fun loving. They are pseudo-cali style, but without the cali-cool(oh!). Anyway. There are two australians staying at my house right now. They are the kind of people that are totally clean, but never really look it. I don't know if that makes any sence. Perhaps it is a lack of dental flossing?

And, the acents really put me off. I don't know. This city is swarming with them, and their rip curl board shorts and their braided braclets, and their insistent eye-fucking. eh. so over it.

loosing it

2008-09-25T12:42:00.002-04:00

So like nearly 4 or 5 times a day, I have this feeling thought that google mail must be messed up or something because I have not heard back from this person or another. Its terrible, and I think it is a clear sign that I am loosing it, or them rather, my marbles.

the economy, etc.

2008-09-25T06:27:00.004-04:00

So like I am supposed to be writing (actually I'm supposed to be at the editing stage) for my Newsbrief article. Admittedly my mind has been distracted by other things, like housing, going to lectures, applying for jobs I don't want and making an omelet for lunch. eggs, courgette, spinach, red onion and a little pesto, yum. Recently, pretty much as of this morning, I have been directing my attention to other things, such as the economy. I'm a bit f-ing scared to be honest. I mean like, how is this going to affect me, the quasi-expat seeking employment, with a small credit card bill I have to pay off? Seriously, if someone could tell me, it would be amazing.

I know tweaks would be able to explain it to me, but I'm pretty sure after sunday night shananigans, which I cant recall the details of, she isn't talking to me. Anyone else?

Also like what would kj have to say about this. Caveat-I need a haircut. And after reading this article, I want a new tattoo asap.

Halp. Please. Drowning in a sea of distractions.

Michael Bloomberg for President

2008-09-24T11:32:00.002-04:00

'Tom, all kidding aside, is that there is a partisanship that has paralyzed our country. Both parties have redistricted themselves such that they don't have to worry about a challenge across the aisle, but they have to have--they worry about a challenge from their flanks, so the conservatives are less willing to move to the middle, and the liberals are less willing to move to the middle, and we've got to get over that, and we've got to understand that we're all in this together. Unless we have bipartisan legislation and bipartisan governing at the federal, state, and city level, we're just going to have one problem after another, and the future's not as bright as I think it should be for America.'-MB on Meet the Press.

I would totally be his vice president. I like to sleep with dems and republicans. That is what I call bi-partisan.

On a side note. There is a hot Irish 19 year old cooking in my kitchen and making weird noises. Its very distracting.

Timing is everything.

2008-09-24T06:49:00.003-04:00

I think I found a new flat. I will hear back today from the guy Jeremiah if I am the selected occupant. I think I will be. I was being charming, but not flirtacious. So that kind of a thing usually works for me. The dude seems really cool. The house is homey, and the price is right. The location is okay. Short bus ride to Islington, walk to borough market, near a co-op, and next to a big park. Also completing things is really good for my mental health right now. You know, in the same way that I felt gratified about helping Steuart out with his painting last week, is the way I will feel if I can complete this process. I don't really want to keep looking for more places. So this works for me.

Now to find a job! Ta-da! I don't think the Jackson Hole thing worked out, I haven't heard back from this Matthew Taylor fellow. Its okay. I was looking for an adventure and I thought that might have been it. Getting down to my pioneering american roots, but not this time. Hmm. Its cool. I'm feeling good today and writing my article which is mildly fascinating. yeah!

Opinions

2008-09-23T10:15:00.003-04:00

What do you think about women in American politics, or the armed services? I'm not really sure. There seems to be an upswinging trend, or am I just being blinded by Sarah Palin's holier than thou smile? Or perhaps it is the nausea induced by the Hillary-Pant suit that is causing me to make rash judgments. Either way, I am interested to hear what people have to say about this. Mostly because I think all 8 of my readers are bright and shining individuals, but also because I have to write an article on it, by the end of the week.

Also, I was going to volunteer for the Obama campaign and stuff over here, and I even went to a few things, but then I realized that I don't really like politically actively democrats. Sorry, I don't not like them all. In fact I know a few that I like quite a lot, but as a group they made me want to slit my wrists, which admittedly doesn't take much.

wrap up

2008-09-22T05:36:00.002-04:00

So after a good long week of feeling sorry for myself. I capped it all off with a boozey afternoon-turn-evening and then came home and passive-aggressively tried to pick a fight with Tweaks. It wasn't nice of me at all. Oh well, its a new day, its gray outside, and I just found a whole bunch of jobs i want to apply for.

Yesterday afternoon was quite fun. Went to a law society rugby match. Basically I think I now know the sensation of how guys feel at strip clubs, except that I wanted about six of them to be my boyfriends. I did have a proud moment yesterday in my cheap red wine-induced haze. One-I was able to pick a sleezey guy from across the field. I spotted this kind of hot guy in a pink shirt with a near forest hanging out of his shirt. He was hot, after consultation with his co-worker I found out that he was the firm sloot. Clearly, I have a preference for guys that dont treat women well, and I can spot it from afar.

Also is acerbic in anyway endearing? I was called it twice last week, by two different people.

Iceberg lettuce

2008-09-17T06:31:00.004-04:00

So recently, I have been on an iceberg lettuce kick. Ultimately, I am totally embarrassed about this. It seems so non-progressive to be really into iceberg. But, I can't seem to resist the crunchy watery goodness. I have been eating it with onions, and red wine vinegar. Something must be wrong with me, maybe its a low-grade uti? On a related note, I think I have a low grade uti. I feel like I have to pee ALL the time. I mean even more than usual, which for me is a lot. I'm choking down cranberry juice which gives my mouth a dry pucker, reminiscent another crevice on my body.

I think I'm going to blame this whole iceberg thing on 'Tweaks' bc last time I was in DC, she made this really good iceberg salad. We ate it with hotdogs. haha. fancy pants. once she gets into business school its going to be all mixed greens, and filet minions(sp?).

Arg, and now I have to go to an interview for a volunteer position that I really don't want, but since I flaked out on my other commitment of the week, I figure I should go.

Also, I applied for a job in Jackson Wyoming for a Christian neo-con hedgefund manager. Weird I know.

A dinner date with Fabio

2008-09-15T14:15:00.003-04:00

My friend, Steu and I haven't had the chance to catch up recently, based on busy schedules and my total laziness. Yesterday we finally get to over dinner, at Hakkasan with a friend of his who is in town. As we are waiting at the table for our two other dinner companions to join us, Steuart mentions that Lee(his friend) is a sort of larger than life character. This was the understatement of the evening.

Dinner was delicious. The duck and mango starter was particularly good. But, the meal was really over-shadowed by Lee, who at 6'6" must over shadow a lot.

Among other funny shenanigans of the dinner, which included some mild verbal abuse to the waitress, and random spotting of a female friend of his that must be a super high-class prostitute(how else would you pay for that body), was the international sex symbol for mid-western-stay-at-home-moms was the highlight of the evening. Lee is apparently best friends with Fabio. Yes, Fabio of the I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter celebrity. When faced with the rest of the table's doubt, Lee decides to get Fabio on the phone. The dashing milanese himself is on speaker-phone for a while, saying hello, proving Lee's point. Then Steuart proceeds to talk with him for about another 15 minutes on God-Knows-What? Butter substitutes? Hair styles? Lee also claimed to be friends with the original Greg Brady(real name unknown), but didn't want to call him because apparently he is going through a messy divorce.

All in all it was hilarious, but I am not ashamed to admit that the c-list star name-dropping session outside of the dim mahogany glow of Hakkasan seemed kind of sad and pathetic. Admittedly, part of that could have been simply because I feel like DFW would have never wanted to be at that dinner.

Anyway, in light of that random occurrence, I am starting a poll: Would you rather have dinner with Fabio or Jackie Chan? You can go for an opt-in and write the original Greg Brady if you so choose.

David Foster Wallace

2008-09-14T18:59:00.003-04:00

is dead. I find myself completely sad. I have many mixed feelings about suicide; I don't understand it. It has never directly affected me before. I do understand depression, to some degree at least, and I can see how it may be the only escape for some people.

I am sad about DFW, specifically, but even more so about the complexity of human emotions. They are bigger than us, but ours at the same time.

The first story I ever read by DFW was the story called Good Old Neon about the advertising executive that killed himself. I want there to be meaning about that story and the timing and everything, but I don't know if there is.

jonathan

2008-09-12T05:40:00.002-04:00

So the aforementioned meeting with my old boss Jonathan went really well yesterday. He didn't give me a job or anything, but he gave me some encouragement about writing, and life, and careers and shit. It was great.

On top of that he said I could write another article for RUSI. This won't make me any money, but it will be good practice and another thing to put on my CV. More than that I am really excited about the topic. Women in American Politics. Palin, Hillary, Condi, Pelosi, the whole nine yards. Since its going to be for an international security publication, I have to write something about women in the military too, (boring, but it will only be a part of it). The great part is that I get to talk about something really important, which is the acsending trend of women in powerful positions. Its excited. Oh wow, I should contact that lady, Ann Wright that I met at Steuarts a few years ago. She will have some ideas. Awesome.

L

recent favorite quote from a certain favorite book

2008-09-11T10:28:00.003-04:00

'as always, my passes as omniscience are absurd, but you, of all people, should be polite to the part of me that comes out merely clever. Years ago, in my earliest and pastiest days as a would-be writer, I once read a new story aloud to S. and Boo Boo. When I finished, Bpo Boo said flatly (but looking over at S.) that the story was 'too clever'. S. shook his head, beaming away at me, and said cleverness was my permanent affliction, my wooden leg, and that it was in the worst possible taste to draw the group's attention to it. As one limping man to another, old Zooey, let's be courteous and kind to each other.'

Query(the names have been changes to protect the innocent)

2008-09-11T10:16:00.003-04:00

If you don't know already. Sedaratives are awesome, and you should read them. I have discovered while browsing through the free content on the website that Amy often lets guests answer in her place. Last night, I was tired, but feeling particularly clever(1.5 gin&tonics) and thought Amy should let me answer the questions. I wrote the following email:

Dear Sedaratives,

I was wondering if I could be the guest respondent to Sedaratives for an upcoming issue of the Believer? My friends are always asking my advice. I always give truthful responses to tough questions like: Should I cheat on my girlfriend? Do I wear too much perfume? How concerned should I be about my cankles (calf-ankles if you didn't already know)?

I think I could handle more challenging ones too. You can test me if you want. If you don't want me to do it, since I am a nobody (I keep telling people I am going to write a book someday, but I don't know how much truth is in that. I also said I was going to learn to play bridge, and I don't even know how many decks of cards you are supposed to use), can you get Alec Baldwin to do it? It would be super if he could respond as the character he used to play in 1990s movies.

Thanks for your time, if you bother reading this.

Best Regards,

Ruthie I'm-not-sure-if-that-was-

trying-too-hard B

I need a job, one that doesnt require me to hide my tattoo and remove my nail polish

2008-09-10T15:06:00.003-04:00

the place i really reallly wanted to intern is not offering positions at the moment. its okay, the pay wasnt so good.

anyway, what do you think i would be good at?

My post have been lame. I have been lazy. I need to resolve the lack of coffee maker-ness in my house. Maybe that would help. I did drink 2 monmouth white filter coffees today. That is nearly 8 dollars of awesome deliciousness. it was worth it. i had the energy to go shopping at my favorite store, COS. German minimalism in all its glory. I have an interview with my old boss tomorrrow. Jonathan. First-I am going to ask him if I can write an article on Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. Second-I am going to ask him for the job of coordinator, which is filled, but I'm going to ask anyway. Third-I am going to as for career advice.

On the bright side of things, my friend Annina took me to this amazing Korean place. Its in the basement of a supermarket called Hanna. It looks like a simply Asian supermarket when you walk in. Neon packaging and big bags of rice. You go to the til, order spicy pork(there is no menu and that is the only thing that annina knew they had) take your receipt, and go down stairs. You give your receipt to the little old lady and she goes in the back and starts cooking it up. The downstairs seating is rather interesting. Its like three shitty tables with plastic stools. The walls are just shelves and shelves of VHS tapes, all labeled in Korean. So obviously I had no idea what they were. I like to think they were Korea snuff, but they were probably just soap operas. Anyway, the the spicy pork comes in a bowl with white rice, a side of Kimchi, a styrafoam cup of miso cup and a plastic cup of water. It was worth every last pence of the FOUR POUNDS!!!! it cost.

It was great it was the perfectly kitchy, bizarrely authentic experience that I want to have everyday. I do like London, but I think Berlin might be a better fit!

Now i need to go remove my navy blue nail polish for my interview. I need a new line of work.

don't treat me like an annoyed lover, googlemail

2008-09-09T10:07:00.002-04:00

Okay, I swear no one loves googlemail as much as I do, but wtfitd(what the fuck is the deal)? you take so long to load, you go in and out. don't make me think of switching to mac mail. i mean really, its been too long, so be so distant, take so long to respond, generally get on my nerves. please?

absolutely exhausted, a return to theatrics

2008-09-09T07:12:00.004-04:00

I feel like Franny. I realized today, that if I ever wanted to be in a play, I would play franny and john would play zooey. it would be great. i imagine the apartment to be sort of like franks moms. lane would obviously be mpc - stupid, but attractive. has anyone ever produced it? i'll have to look into it.

You can leave your hat off.......and your shirt too for that matter.

2008-09-08T11:34:00.003-04:00

Okay, I know I have already blogged about Gareth waaay too much, but I was just chatting with Franky about this and it is soo gross that I just have to talk about it.

I will leave our sexual chemistry problems out of this post bc i dont feel like going into it. But there is one thing I must articulate. Gareth does not like to take his shirt off when we are cuddling, etc. Its grossing me out just thinking about it. Maybe it is better that what is surely a pasty and scrawny upper body, joined in the middle by a some what flabby waist. Frankly, sure I prefer a hairy chest and a some muscles. But, I'm not Kate Moss and don't expect everyone to have the perfect body, and I dig imperfections, but come on. Let's own up to them.

Maybe its his choice of undershirt that bothers me too. its not like a good 'ol hanes. It has this weird dainty thinly pipped colar, it might even be micro-ribbed. Eh, im shuddering just thinking about it.

Thoughts on this? I mean it all ties in with the rest of our problems and his inability to be the alpha male (like Alec Baldwin characters) that I need.

Doctors versus lawyers; God versus man

2008-09-08T03:23:00.002-04:00

I love this guy. Really, he has become an obcession for my brother and I of late. He is really phenomenal. Its Monday, as for tomorrow I will have been in bed for a week. Does that make me bed-ridden?

Survey!

2008-09-05T14:27:00.002-04:00

It seems like cigs in my room. I live with three French girls, so duh.
To deal with the smoke do I:

A) Leave the doors and windows open even though its raining.
B) Smoke in my room.
C) Drink two gin and tonics so I don't care anymore
D) Make up a solution for me.

Thanks!

WHY?-this is not a post, but i would love any feedback on this...

2008-09-05T07:51:00.001-04:00

why does the new yorker use an the umlaut over the second o in cooperate (and its variants)?

Questions that really matter...

2008-09-05T06:16:00.002-04:00

Whose better looking democrats or republicans?

Okay, so. Typically my answer has always been Republicans...the way I see it, there are two inter-related explanations for this, 1-I went through my years of sexual exploration (hopefully they aren't over...fingers crossed) when Bush was in the white house (well Clinton too lets be honest, but I was still a guppy at that point). and 2-I'm a power junkie. Another secondary reason, was this elongated southern phase that i went through at some point. I like the way they say my first name, and the bow-ties are just hot. RSK was kind of the icing on the cake of this phase, having it all save the bow-tie.

I think times they may be a changin' and I don't mean that is the populist Obama way, I mean it is the superficial Ruthie B way of basing political choice on aesthetics. I mean duh, its not new.

So I have been watching the DNC and the RNC on nytimes clips. So much for the Michael Jackson song, 'dont matter if your black or white'(one of my all time favs). I think I saw like 5 shots of black people at the RNC. The DNC enjoyed a much higher percentage of white people, young white people. Anyway so here is the skinny on levels of attractiveness of the political parties

DNC-lots of weepy superemotional(based on racial segregation, and the so-called need for american unity), young-ish, mostly moderately attractive multi-ethnic people, starting to look better the closer obama gets to the white house. I think we can thank michele obama's stylist and her jackie 'o steeling tactics for a boost since the clinton years.

RNC-lots of weepy superemotional(though unclear as to why, bc they are scarred of iran, russia?) doughy pastey mid-westerners, older, flabby. there are some token hottie in bow-ties and some barbie looking cindy mccain wannabes, but mostly just a stale looking crowd.

I have to keep thinking about this, more on it later, there is too much information to convey here.

drama or excitment

2008-09-04T08:38:00.003-04:00

Tony:
Is this character from the skins the bbc-america's show (whose ass i am kissing in order to try to score some free dvds and buy myself some good karma credit). There are two tidbits about tony that highlight some current conundrums
1-the hotness of british guys. okay, so on this program(me) Tony is suppose to be the hot guy in school. Maybe its because he is actually 17 that i dont find him attractive, or maybe hot british guy' aesthetics don't translate very well. Come on those eyebrows, that pastey translucent skin? No way is he the hot guy in school.
2-the morality of creating drama: okay so if you look at this clip and you watch the show you will see that tony behaves in such a way that usually results in hurting other peoples feelings, but he does keep things interesting, and is always looking out for himself. I respect him tremendously on this level. In fact unrelated to tony this was problem of the morning: Selfishness is the only thing when faced with complex social situations that makes sense. But, often selfishness often ends up hurting others, then how to resolve selfishness and the social good? I'm not sure Tony knows either, but perhaps a trip to the eyebrow lady might help

this is what i wanted to post when i moved in on tuesday

2008-09-04T05:27:00.000-04:00

I have a proper bedroom for the first time since May 2002. That is over six years if anyone is keeping track. It is so beautiful. I have a dresser, a double bed, plenty of shelves, a decent/shitty closet (I’ll settle on this occasion), I have a desk, bedside table, a balcony, a window next to my bed (did I mention it’s a double) two lamps, ceiling lights, and a nice big glass of Jameson to help digest it all. I don’t know my roommates yet. I think I have three girls-one American, one French and a Dutchy-if I am not mistaken.

(‘everything in its right’ place just came on the shuffle on my itunes)

The big question is…..am I going to keep it clean? I have made the excuse for years now that I can’t keep my bedroom clean because it is too small, or too big in the case of the bedroom at my parents place. I mean that is the most bullshitty argument ever, seriously. I don’t know. Recently my big theme has been all about being true to myself and truly knowing who that person is, so on that note, I am going to say no, which leaves no room for disappointment. Besides, really, its way too big to keep clean.

I can’t wait for sleepovers. Too bad I only have it for a month. Oh well! I’ll enjoy it. By for now, I have to keep unpacking/making it look lived in/making it messy.

Oh yeah.

I have been sick for the last two days. vomiting sick

2008-09-04T05:19:00.002-04:00

Which is why no posting. plus no internet, so you can imagine how psyched i have been, watching arrested development dvds.

working at a record store

2008-09-02T06:54:00.002-04:00

I think I am reverting back to my teenage years. Last night was my last evening in Knightsbridge and to celebrate we made chopped salads and watched Empire Records. It was great to watch that movie again, and now that I am going to look for a part time job, i definately want to work at a record store. there are so many sweet ones in town. Sounds of the Universe, Rough Trade East. It would be awesome. There is no way they would hire me, since any knowledge I have about music is completely superficial. oh well.

If anyone has time, and is interested, i highly reccomend taking a little trip back to teenage land. Its way better now though because no braces. yeah.

Pedaphilia...Skins..........hmm.

2008-09-01T08:52:00.006-04:00

Is it healthy to have crushes on teens? Probably not, I just can't seem to help it. Decide for yourself on Sunday at 10 on BBC america, when you otherwise would have been fantasizing(or wanking as they would say) about the grocery store clerk with a mild acne problem that you secretly want.

done, like like an amateur after a clambake

2008-08-29T11:37:00.001-04:00

my dissertation is done. i dont want to discuss the quality of it. im glad its over so now i can concentrate on more important things, like my novel. bitches!

jelly bellies, almonds, water, caffeine pills

2008-08-28T05:19:00.001-04:00

I'm ready for the next 24 hours. yes! then, i want a bloody mary, a margarita, a hendriks martini and a bottle of champagne.

I peed in a cementary yesterday

2008-08-27T08:45:00.002-04:00

Seriously, I did. My brother and I did a 'country walk' yesterday from some town called Shelford to Cambridge. I was really nice. We walked 13 miles and John didnt even complain about me being pmsy(ah the well-trained married man). When I am bleeding I have to pee like every five minutes, which I normally need to do anyway, but this was especially bad. I really had to go. There was a nice big tree and no one was in the cementary. whatever it was fine, no need to make excuses.

The count down is on! 50 hours til the dissertation is due. I dont even really care. I'm sure I'll pass, but I do need to finish it. ciao for now.

garlic, an aphrodesiac, really?

2008-08-25T09:45:00.002-04:00

So as part of my self-imposed exile from the outside world, as I wittle away at my paper (due fucking friday!), i have decided to do something that I always think about but can never due bc of the ensuing horror that follows eating an entire head of roasted garlic. But since I'm not really allowed out of the house right now, I figure its the perfect time. I went ahead and roasted two. I love/hate eating this shit. it taste overwhelming and satisfying, maybe like semen in a weird sort of way? I just had some left over from yesterday (does it not keep?) i still like it, but is it really an aphrodesiac. I mean I cant imagine wanting to kiss anyone with this mouth even if they were in a similar state. I dont know, what is the deal with aphrodesiacs anyway. I feel like they are largely socially constructed like valentines day or the healthiness that comes with eating eggs. thoughts?

I'm an ideas man

2008-08-25T04:42:00.005-04:00

things i want to do (I come up with the best ideas when I should be doing other things.)-->

1-write a book, at least one. its going to be one of those lame semi-autobiographical ones about girls and their lives, and shit. the genre is lame by definition, but lets be honest, im not DFW.

2-start a company. im thinking a magazine actually-->does that count as a company. I want to recruit all of my friends to write articles on their specialties. It would sort of be a lifestyle magazine. naturally i want to call it preppy hipster. Sarahela, suggested starting a wiki. I dont know i like the idea of both, but particularlly like the idea of having something to hold in my hand.

3-master ashtanga yoga.

4-work on my public speaking skills, they really stink.

5-get more tattoos.

6-loose weight. this should probably be at the top of my list since i seem to be eating through my dissertation.

7-work for current tv

8-design a city

9-have a prisoner themed wedding

10-have a child and name it augustus

11-travel to the east, the middle and the far

I want to get married, yeah, seriously

2008-08-22T12:41:00.003-04:00

So I am not really one of those girl who has dreamed of a white wedding, with lots of cristals, lace bodices and dj's playing shout! Not at all in fact. Today I got a vision for my dream wedding, no I have not miracously found the man of my dreams, or anything, but I have found the vision. It makes me smile and laugh out loud and want to dance around the library.

I want a Prisoner themed wedding. I want to get married here. I want the groomsmen to wear the blazers with the white lining, and I want to guest to get numbers pins with the uni-cycle thingy. I also want a human chess game to be going on during the reception, or perhaps the next day after brunch the guests could make their own. I am so excited. I'm not sure what I'll wear yet, but I'm guessing it will have a sixties influence.

Its going to be V-expensivo. I guess I'll have to work on that, and it might be a good motivation for my career choice. God, I'm so excited. I hope you share this excitment with me. Start saving(even though you have a while) because its going to be v-expensive to get there considering its in wales.

Yay! think of all of the fun hats that the guests can wear! dress ideas?

clarity

2008-08-22T07:19:00.003-04:00

well, i dont have it, but i'm getting there. I have a flat for september. I'm going to pay the deposit this afternoon. the place is fucking sweet. i'll probably never leave it, and since i have a balcony I'll probably start smoking again. which I am cool with. Also if anyone wants to come visit me in September. I actually have a place for you to stay. If you are a girl you can stay in the double bed with me. If you are a boy you can sleep on the ground. or maybe on the couch downstairs.

I also spoke to my brother about stuff and things. and i have decided that i am going to put all of my energy into getting a job here, in london. DC will be my back-up plan. it would be pathetic to give up now and go back to the states. besides i think part of my indecision at the moment is wrapped up in this paper, and my emotional hangover from being at home.

my plan is to get a part-time job, or internship, and look for work. perhaps i'll see if i can write a newsbrief article about something. i dont know, resurgence in Afghanistan. Afghanistan and the next presidental candidate, perhaps Iraq and Afghanistan and relocating assets. vice presidents. something along those lines.

I feel really good, energized. also had a kick-ass squash game with john last night, then we watched the skins. The Skins is a british teen drama, which I highly reccomend. I mean seriously. It is running on BBC America now. CHECK IT OUT. Its where I learn all of my british slang.

also new book idea. Couch surfing.

putting things in perspective and/or a dull sense of rejection

2008-08-21T08:45:00.002-04:00

So this is the post where I bitch and moan about not being able to make up my mind about what i want to do. hopefully, it will help me think about things with improved clarity.

inter-related things that im trying to understand.

1-Where to live. London/DC. Those are pretty much my two main choices at the moment, but I'd probably rather go to Berlin or Barcelona or Brooklyn. I think I'm going to stick with my two top choices. Thats the bigger issue-->the smaller issue is that i need somewhere to live in September. I'm looking at a flat this afternoon. Saraleha refered me to a friend of hers, so I'm hoping that it will work out. Its a little more than I want to spend, but I also can't really deal with looking around at the moment. We'll see.

2-An inter-related problem is a job. I'm applying to jobs in London and DC at the moment. But its also the type of job that is confounding me at the moment. I mean yes, I'm applying at all of the think-tanks and stuff. Its been recommended that I also apply for jobs on the hill, but I would hate to work on the hill. I would hate the people, and the nylons, and the interns. Just hate it. Besides the only interaction I have had with people who work on the hill involved a strange pseudo-foursome with a daschound, a speaker of the house. It was weird. Whatever, I don't want to work on the hill. I have a few good leads in DC. The problem is interviewing. I mean I doubt they will fly me over to DC to interview, but I dont really want to fly over to DC for one or two interviews...hmm. Which is why picking one place and sticking to it, would be much easier. Also, I have decided that I want to do something a bit more creative as well. Like maybe work for Current TV or work for TopShop, or Dover Street Market.

Its actually kind of working itself out that in the states I am applying for politico-type jobs and in London I'm applying for, we'll say, alternative type careers.

3-There is my paper and all of these bigger issues are weighing heavy on my mind and making it difficult to focus on my paper. hmm

Also weighing heavy on my mind. Next week I'm renting a car with john. Awesome. I'm so excited. Road trip. Road sodas.

If anyone has anything enlightening they want to share, I'm open for anything.

Also, I was going to write something passive-aggressive about how tweaks no longer responds when i gchat her, but its probably unfair. she has to work, and think about her own problems with grad school and stuff, and to be honest, when i gchat her its usally just me complaining about boys or whatever. I mean and she has a boyfriend now, so like that probably means she doesnt know how to listen to other peoples guy problems anymore.

an excellent article

2008-08-20T04:29:00.001-04:00

you should read this, and you should also read my post below on innards.

innards-->yum

2008-08-20T02:11:00.003-04:00

Last night was my sister-in-law's final night in London. My brother made reservations at St. John's. He has been obcessed with eating innards, you know, traditional british shit-livers, spleens and stuff. Well as it turned out there were not that many innards available on the menu, but they did have lots of bizarro meats and offered things that I imagine british people ate a lot in the seventeenth century. It was fantastic from start to finish.

To start the ambiance was very cool. The restaurant was in the old meat packing district and it looked like it. the high ceilings, the light fixtures and the sterile whiteness of it all. Added immensely to the dishes we had. The wine, a Cotes Du Roussillon, also added considerably. It was rather fruity, with a nice dry finish. Good selection.

Well lets get to the food. I started with the snails and greens. It was very garlicy and the texture was perfect, chewy but firm, which is probably the most important thing when it comes to snails. More impressive still was the bone marrow that john and steuart ordered. The presentation was beautiful. Four sections of bone(cow femur, I imagine). Came with sea salt, flat leaf parsley, and toast-for the assemble of an open faced sandwich. Bone marrow isn't really my thing, its just too rich for me. But, if that is the way you swing you should definately check it out. It was just so beautiful. Cat had the cuttlefish, which was amazingly tender and smooth.

For mains:
I had the chanterelles and goat curd on toast-Delicious, would have liked more goat curd. I love mushrooms.
Cat and steuart had a beautiful preparation of roast beef. Perfectly rare. Perfect small carrots.
John had the grouse. It was the first day of Grouse season. It was served nearly rare(is this normal). But it was so good. I took a small bite, and my mouth was flooded with flavours. The meat was frangrant, and full bodied so good, and worth every one of the 31 pounds it costs.

Desert were honey roasted figs with creme fraiche and brioche, and lemon sorbet with a shot of russian vodka. Both were fantastic.

Okay I'm not that great at writing about food, but I wanted to try to remember every bit of the meal.

I haven't mentioned the company. I'm too sad to talk about it anyway. I want to live in the same place as John and Cat. I can't believe they live so far away.

im falling asleep at my desk.

2008-08-19T10:28:00.002-04:00

despite the fact that i have drank six cups of tea today, and did an engergizing yoga practice, and slept in a little. im going to be in bed by midnight tonight. i have to. needlesstosay i cannot wait for my mothers little helper pills to arrive in the mail. i hope they come today. I have also eating an irrational amount of food today. im a sucker for left overs. i really cannot be left in the same house as food, or else i eat it. i am Pa-The-Tic.

i think my brother and i are going to rent a car this weekend. i cant wait to drive on the wrong side of the road. yeah.

i feel gross

2008-08-18T09:20:00.003-04:00

well instead of fasting this weekend....i ate dim sum yesterday, and (finally) I have arrived at the fact that I dont actually like it. While i simply adore the concept with those funny little asians pushing around the carts of mysterious pockets of fun, sometimes i feel like im eating tibetian eyeballs wrapped in taiwanese skins. yuck. also it is so far from being healthy, AND i messed up the time for my yoga class today, so thats that. At least I got to see sarahela this morning while drinking filter coffee out of great cups, plus west-coast bonus, john and cat are coming over for dinner tonight.

slow fast

2008-08-15T11:20:00.001-04:00

i want to fast this weekend. any recommendations? maybe Kombucha.

too old to play dress up?

2008-08-15T05:15:00.003-04:00

okay, I'm trying not to talk about my dissertation too much, because its just boring and about dead people. I do, however, want to explore the question about being too old to play dress up. At the moment i am trouncing around the house, making espresso and trying to listen to the whole MGMT cd, but really I just keep going back to my three favorite tracks(you know which ones, wink). I am wearing an XXL white tee-shirt, a green patagonia belt, a weird scarf from tanaznia, jeans in a french roll, red high heels and lots o' white eyeliner. I look like I'm drunk, but I'm not(I wish I was-champagne sounds good, but I have too much work to do or else I would pop down to the shop). I'm sure if I went outside people most likely would think I was drunk, maybe eastern european, or very hip(my imagination).

What does this have to do with my dissertation, you ask? Well for some reason when ever I am stressed about work, dressing up makes me feel better. I can concentrate much more effectively. I'm really not sure why, but I think it may be residual guilt from boarding school, where to be taken seriously you had to dress up. I mean, I am dressed up. But, certainly not in my navy suit and loafers like a good little prep student. (barf). I do it when I am cleaning sometimes too. I think part of it is that I think I am burning more calories when I wear heels, and I always need practice. Time to get writing. I have 10,000 words left. fuck me(seriously it would be a nice break).

Well, perhaps my interest in getting dressed up will pay off afterward, but probably not. I just got a call from Zebra Management. Okay, hold on. Last week, I got stopped on the street, and asked if I wanted to participate as an extra in film and tv. I said sure assuming I would never hear from them. They took my picture, and that was that. I just got a call from them asking some more questions about me, and seeing if I had any experience. Hillarious. I am mildly flattered, hang up, and I decide to check out the website. OMG. Not sure if there is anyway I could do something like this and take myself seriously, since it kind of looks like an advert for pediafiles. I would definately want to go by Ruthie B. Though after I told them I was 25, 5'3" and have no experience I seriously doubt I'll be hearing from them by next Tuesday.

its my one year anniversary

2008-08-14T15:15:00.003-04:00

I think. If you are thinking of a gift this might do. Exciting, I also just found out my friend Kate is moving here. Maybe I will try to make a go of it here. If Max could do it at Grover Cleveland, I can do it here.

proper use of the word weenie=

2008-08-14T10:02:00.003-04:00

Gareth. Thanks, Blair. Now I really don't want to sleep with him.

What a bunch of fucking assholes that I go to school with. So finally I decide to go to the library because I need to pick up Stephen Neff musings on the Laws of War. A book which the online catolgue says is on the shelf. I go the shelf, and wha-la(sp?). its not there. But there are like 10 books strategically hidden around the room all related to international law and war. Not mine though. Those f-ing bastards. I just find that completely unacceptable. I'm pretty sure they are writing about american neglect of international law. what a boring and stupid topic, like my mother talking about how she thinks bush is going to get impeached. pu-lease. its a waste of time anyway. I reported the book missing and yelled a bit at the library guy (not a librarian, but surely a phd in library sciences or james joyce. Then I watched Missy Elliot videos on youtube to blow off some steam.

Also, I just ordered some Modafinil on the internet. Google it. I havent been so excited since I got my roommate to sign up for match dot com a few days ago. I know that this is ultimately stupid, and bad for my health, but I found about it in a magazine at the yoga studio, so I maintain that it is healthy on some level. I'll let you know how it goes. If I don't have a heart attack.

double dating

2008-08-13T08:16:00.002-04:00

Its not like it was totally random, and its not like the squash date didnt go well. It just kind of happened. I am totally confused and in the dark about what happened on the squash date. Okay he is so hot and really fit. I dont know if there were sparks. I think that is probs equivilent to saying I dont know if I had an orgasm, meaning that there weren't sparks or orgasms.

I can't tell if Richard wants to be 'buddies' or if he wants to kiss me. He was very serious on the court. He was trying really hard. I won, thankfully, but it was close and I was breathing heavy and sweating alot. He is just really serious. I dont know. We were flirtacious i think. After being depressed yesterday afternoon I was really not at my best. Whatever. I dont know, there are lots of things about him that I want to know. It was fun chatting with him, but he is pretty shy, which i think is sexy and mysterious.

We went to the Rake afterward had two beers, and then we left. He was running home. He ran to work in the morning, god he has a hot body. No kissing, there was an awkward half-hug/half-kiss on the cheek. He also wrote me a sweet text message about playing again next week.

I want to see Richard, i think. Just got another text message from him, he prefers to be called rich(I asked-this wasnt unprovoked). That is going to be problematic for me. I hate the name Rich it reminds me of New Jersey. I'm confused and getting really behind on my paper.

i miss advil

2008-08-12T11:25:00.004-04:00

or maybe i just miss home. i miss rsk. i know this is lame, but if i cant talk about it here, where can i? only a few people find it unacceptable when i talk about him, so whatever. i miss the comforts of home, which means i miss rsk, the two are so closely related. RSK is one of the biggest comforts of all time. i always know what to expect, when my ego is raging and i just want to be sweetly neglected i know just where to go. i miss hearing his voice. i want to write him a letter telling him if he needs a partner in crime to be unemployed with that he can call me.

i should be really happy. i have a date tonight with some guy that i have been interested in for a while. i'll hate him, i know it. cant you see my transparent safety mechanisms being errected this very moment. goodness i am like the most pathetic creature on the face of the earth. i have this amazing paper to write. the paper is great, i mean the topic is good, the outline is great. my writing is good, but i am too lazy and consumed by my personal life to think about something that is actually bigger and more important than me. this paper is going to help add to the literature to require more rigourous safety checks for aerial bombing campaigns. i would never go as far as to say that it could change the way we conduct international interventions and potential save lives, but there is a real movement in that direction, and i truely believe that as long as people(includeing graduate students) are talking about it, that it will be closer to a realtiy. But noooo, here i am complaining about dates and stuff, missing roberts and feeling sorry for myself drinking a beer in the afternoon, bc im too chicken or scared to do anything else. i feel so bad for myself that i might just have another beer. haha. i still think im funny too.

Also, my head stands are getting better, and i am loving the new yoga studio. how can someone be so fucking lucky and so fucking pathetic.

free to sleep with people i actually like, not just ones i want to sabotage

2008-08-12T09:48:00.004-04:00

since i have no stds or hiv. well, not that there are people i actually want to sleep with, but hey maybe the squash date will give me another option in this department.

gareth just sent me a text message about having drinks with him and some uni friends tonight. he ended it with 'please come'. doesnt he know how pathetic that sounds?

Also I had a double yoke in my egg this morning. Does anyone know what that means?

new tattoo ideas

2008-08-11T11:30:00.002-04:00

okay, so i do want another tattoo. nothing big, nothing crazy. so i thought it might be fun to play on my excessive birthmarks. i was also thinking of stars before, im still thinking of stars, but little ones that are similar in size to my birthmarks. there are few different places on my body with excessive marks, my neck/back; my upper left arm, my upper right thigh, the right upper side of my torso. i think it would be great to get little mini stars in each of these patches. what do you think?

2008-08-11T09:25:00.001-04:00

off meat

2008-08-11T02:41:00.005-04:00

nobu. if anyone had a tape recorder at dinner last night, it would have caught five grown people discuss various interesting things, georgia, the value of having children, life plans and other regular dinner table topics. it also would have caught each of us gushingly saying how beautiful the meal was. So yes it was beautiful. that is the best possible way to explain it. i will try to recount each item we had, but i didnt order and i dont have a good memory so it will be a lose reinterpretation.

Raw salmon starter, softshell crab spring rolls, tempura rock shrimp with dipping sauces, miso-black cod, assorted mushrooms in a clay pot, pork belly, two types of preparation of waygu beef(sigh waygu beef). kate ordered the perfect amount of food. each bite was complex, delicate, the perfect texture, the best possible marriage of flavours. the reputation of this place is well deserved. i can't possibly go through each individual item, but some memorable notes were the mysterious slight crust around the raw salmon, the light crispy tempura that basically melted in your mouth, the absolutely delicious sauce that mushrooms came in, the sweet/savory combination of the flaky black cod, the texture of the softshell crab spring rolls. i'll get to the waygu beef in a moment. the only thing that i wasn't absolutely crazy about was the pork belly, 1-i cant eat pork belly without feeling like a fat ass, and 2-the portion was slightly too big requiring serious diligent chewing.

The waygu beef came last, it was reccommended to get it last since everything after waygu just doesnt taste as well. it was so good. it literally melted in my mouth. i almost feel like i dont want to talk about it anymore because it will be ruined. it was amazing the massages totally work. i dont want o have regular beef anymore. yeah, im going to be taking a break from meat now.

Dessert was amazing, creative, inventive, chocolate bento boxes, Suntory Whiskey Cappucino(thats what I got in honor of bill murray)

i have a date tonight, i dont want to go. rachmoniov or whatever. im too stressed out. i think i might cancel. what do you think? i just cancelled the date. i know he wants me, so I'm not that fussed about it. i dont know. im stressed out, and need to clean the apartment and go running this evening. this is the right decision, eating excessive amounts of goat cheese on my protein omlette was not the right decision.

Afternoon delight

2008-08-10T10:16:00.003-04:00

I also want another tattoo. I'm thinking matching stars on my inner ankles or this BF quote: 'Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.' In cursive on my upper rib cage, left side.

without

2008-08-10T07:08:00.001-04:00

shame.

Freakish/It's just that kind of a day

2008-08-08T05:31:00.002-04:00

Gareth is so freakish. Last night he sent me a picture of this. I think he is trying to flirt with me. The caption to the email was bite me. I don't know. Since then I have been searching the internets for cute and weird pics. I commented on T's blog with my new fav. Awesome!

Let's see. I got some good writing done. Convinced my roommate that is was a good idea to join match.com. For her it is, since she doesnt know where to meet people, and she actually wants to date people. Honestly, I'm just sick of hearing her pining over Toby. Now I know how my friends felt about RSK. Also, I could have been taking revenge for her making me eat ice cream last night. She did actually make me. It was weird. I'm glad she is going on vacation for two weeks, then all of the working out I do, might actually pay off. Maybe not. My fatty indulgences dont usually need any encouragement.

Blairzy is here! I'm excited. I hope she will drink with me this afternoon. I could sure use a bloody, easy on the horse-radish, heavy on the Old Bay, with a side of Oysters. Its just that kind of a day.

recipes for disaster

2008-08-07T10:52:00.003-04:00

I should write a fucking cookbook. I am in the process of writing two recipes for disaster. The first one is uninteresting, and about my dissertation and how I'm not working on it. Whatevs, I could care less at this point in time. I want a beer. Okay hold on, I'm getting one. AHH. This Becks is sure to help my inability to write about military strategy, sure........

The packing of my social schedule seems to be the root of both of these recipes. Every night is booked up until next Thursday. F me. Tonight, museum exhibit at the Sommerset house; Friday, Blairzy in town visiting her me and BF.(its probably the other way around, but whatever); Saturday Kate's birthday at the Sanderson(place looks rad); Sunday, dinner at NOBU. Okay all of those are the easy ones. I can't believe I'm a poor student in London and get away with going to all of this fancy shit. It half amuses me and half bothers me. Anyway, that all will be fun and fine. Social anxiety is my cup of tea. Emotional anxiety is not, and with that we arrive at recipe #2
2nd Recipe for disaster.

Monday night-Date in the park with Gareth, who I love. He is wonderful. Very quiet, very sweet, but kind of an asshole and not a pushover at all. The first thing I told gareth is that he seemed half autistic. Of course he loved me instantly. He recently made me a mix. I haven't listened to all of it. I was a bit put off by the first song being burning down the house. Come on Gareth can't you try a little harder. Gareth is moving out of london to get a masters in computer science, which I call computer camp. I probably wont see him. I cant imagine going to Bristol, I don't even know where that is. Gareth is lovely, and breaks my heart in the good way I like. I can't imagine us not sleeping together, bc that is just how we roll, but the problem is, is that I have a date the next day with Richard.

Oh Richard. Richard Winstanley is a total babe. Perfect physically-slightly on the short side, which I love. He used to be in the Navy, I think he is a secret hipster, but also sporty, he cycles into work, he just got back from a surfing vacation in Biarritz. Lucky boy, I really want to do a surfing camp, shocking I know. Well we are playing squash together on Tuesday night. I'm really excited. I SO fancy squash dates. I hope he throws me up against the wall and makes out with me while we are all sweaty. Ohh well see. British boys are a bit weird-emotionally and physically (uncircumscized). NOT MY THING.

So I guess I'm not sure if I am stressed about all of this socializing is that by the time the squash date rolls around, I will be emotionally exhausted and too distracted to work on my disseration, so if I simply wont be able to work on my disseration at all. What do you think?

yoga, the hill, AMEX and Bon Iver

2008-08-07T05:08:00.003-04:00

I know its extremely cliche for graduate students to bitch and moan about starting a career, but I think it has been established that I am one chubby walking cliche. So I'm thinking of working for Barack Obama's campaign. Perhaps like volunteering in some state that I'll never live, and calling people and telling them to vote for him. Telling suburban people much he cares about the fact that their mother has incontinence, and he wants medicade to help deal with her peeing problem.

I think this would be a really interesting experience. Except I don't really care that much. Of course I care about who is president, and how that effects our foreign policy and my tax money and such. I do like Obama, but I don't know if I like him enough to lie to strangers about how great I think he is. I dont think I would be morally comfortable doing something like that. I do, in fact, have morals. Frankly, I would feel like comfortable working for a lobbyist group, to try and bypass the voters completely. That is much more my style. I dont know. I think, once again, it all comes down to the person that I want to be. I want to be a moralist, and a realist like BF. I think that I would be acting dishonestly to myself if I work for his campaign. But at the same time, I am not apposed to wiley career manuevering. I mean this comes down to working on the hill too. I dont think I have it in me. It is just way too much ass-kissing, too many people who didnt get the memo about pleated khakis and too many pantyhose. Its so not me, who am I kidding. Than what is me? Should I really just start a yoga center? Should I go work for JMG and teach little kids how to play squash? Should I try to work for a big company like AMEX and try to make money. I dont know. I wish I could write a book. At least I'm writing again. Even though it sucks. It will get better. I'm also hoping this Bon Iver cd gets better bc right now, I'm not so into it, but I think I'm only on track 3.

Brown's Hotel and things I don't understand

2008-08-06T04:48:00.004-04:00

Okay, so my temporary roommate Kate, has recently been broken up with. It was complicated and work-related, which means it doubly sucks. I have tried to explain that he does triathalons, which is just weird and bizarre. whatever. So in light of kate's shitty day at work, we decided to get dressed up and get some cocktails. Kate doesnt really drink so this is kind of a big deal. Well We started off at Browns Hotel, pretty swank, and the soft-core black and white S&M photography make it feel slightly hip. I had Old Fashioneds on the rocks. Something different for me, (I actually just forgot to order it straight up), but I think I will definately do it again.

Okay so we were drinking cocktails and eating sliders(delicious), and here comes the part that i dont understand. So, I remember faces really well, almost to an awkward degree. So there was this guy at Browns who I had met before with Kate in fact. It was just one random evening of drinks at the v&a. This guy was this lame banker/lawyer type, so really no reason to talk to him, but I had to quell the urge to approach him and say, oh we have met before at blah blah blah. I suppose he had to quell that same urge since he looked over at our table a few times. The world is so small. How is it that I see people all over town that I recognize? Perhaps this is part of my urge to launch into a stupid discussion with people like this, so I feel like I am participating in the city around me.

After drink there we popped a few streets over to May Fair Bar (MFB). I had another Old Fashioned. it was disgusting, why so cinnamonish? I'm beginning to get convinced that people dont know how to mix drinks in this city. MFB is across the street from NOBU. NOBU is supposed to be the best Japaneses restaurant in town. We are going on Sunday for Kates birthday, I'm excited. Anyway, there was a shit-load of paparazzi outside of Nobu. It was weird and slightly disturbing. I was further disgusted by my desire to know who was dining inside. Its something else i dont understand. yeah. i dont know, it was a weird night. In the end it was the right thing to do for kate after a break up, like overdosing on nachos.

yeah.

2008-08-05T08:35:00.001-04:00

Yeah. Also this is it. I love it even though it looks a little crooked in this picture.

sex ed

2008-08-05T07:16:00.002-04:00

So I just got back from the Victoria (sex health) Clinic. After a recent rash of sleeping around-actually it should be called a rash of making out; there is less actual sex taking place than sleeping around implies-I felt after like 3 or4 years or whatever it might be nice to get a std screening. Tweaks just got this done, and she has good ideas sometimes, so i thought i might get it done since its free too. I went all out. got the HIV test too. I dont actually think i have HIV, but hey you never know british people are dirty.
I had to wait in a smelly weighting room for like an hour with lots of stressed-out looking people. i was relieved that i didnt actually have to drop my shorts for the test, just blood and pee. which means if i have hpv i'm still in the dark, but hey baby steps.
i have got a shit load of work hanging over my head so i think ill get to it, though all i really want to do is play squash, but the courts are on the other side of town. I may go tomorrow. Besides im trying to woo(what is the spelling?) this hot ex-co-worker of mine, who is shortish and muscular looking that is eager to get on the courts with me. well he was when i left in June. who knows i suppose i'll write him an email today to try to set a date, which will motivate me to get my fat ass in shape. My jeans are still tight, it makes me want to cry.
alright this isnt a fun or clever post, but i'm getting back into it, so give me a break.

responsible recreation

2008-08-04T08:57:00.003-04:00

since i have recently started writing my dissertation about a month and a half late, I decided no more gchat, except maybe with tweaks and fhwh, but that i should have a decent writing distraction from time to time during the day. so this is it, back to the preppy hipster.

I suppose the timing is right since, i recently got a tattoo that embodies preppy hipsterness. I got monogrammed in the middle of my back in helvetica. i love it. most people hate it, or say that it is really me. whatever that means. my dad told me it looked professional. ha. thanks dad.

i'll slowly catch up to what is going on with me and my sex life(love life would be completely innacurate), moral musings, cute bikes, styles and fashions that im thinking about and how i'm feeling about things in general.

one thing that i need to write about bc i cant get it out of my mine. fuel effecient recreation. so yesterday steuart took me and my brother and sister to the red bull air race. it was basically like nascar with airplanes and less trashy people. it was really cool both to watch the races, and the fancy intermission shows with helicopters doing backflips and shit. Okay though, arent we kind of getting closer and closer to an energy crisis, and isnt it a little irresponsible to create new sports based on fuel. i mean isnt this just completely retarded? the amount of money that was put into the logistics alone of that event yesterday could build like 165 electric cars. shouldnt we be doing that instead? so even though i had fun, and had a good excuse to wear my airplane earings, i felt conflicted about the whole day. about as conflicted as i felt about my mini-aubergine at the pakistani restaurant following the show. it was good, but a little oily.

On this sustainable recreation note, my old friend chase and her bf ride motorcycles around for fun, and like cross country and stuff. i know that motorcycles use of fuel is more effecient than cars, planes or rvs, but come on just going on a ride to go for a ride. why not take up cycling?

also kudos to tweaks for getting a bike. i bet she will rarely ride it, but its a step in the right direction, since she should drive less.

is over, and im deleting it all.

2008-06-08T04:40:00.002-04:00

i threw debacle in the river, the thames to be precise. i can't listen to song five(i think) of 69 anymore.

spatial discipline

2008-03-03T14:07:00.002-05:00

I have none of it. I am bored and I dont feel like writing my paper right now, and so I have decided that I might write on this instead. Its been months, actually very nearly a year. I'm still not over robert, and sometimes at parties I get drunk and talk about him. its stupid and embrasssing. I dont really care very much. He is still, if you ask me, the person i should be with. I have never been so happy/miserable. Is that too much to ask? A little happiness and a little misery to make it all feel like Im living? I think not.

I also havent slept with anyone in 6 months. Okay you don't believe me I'll say it again. 6 months. I'm actually okay with this. I havent found anyone that I wanted to sleep with. I am generally bored with people, and think they are stupid. The only times I have actually wanted someone is for some fucked up desire to manipulate them into wanting me, and then to try to hurt them. Its not very nice, and perhaps if I knew how to be more expressive about my relationships then I wouldnt want to do this kind of thing. Perhaps then maybe I would stop being attracted to people that are married. For a while I was telling myself I was doing this because I was afraid of commitment. That is bulllshit obviously, Im afraid of rejection, so I dont go for people that should want me, so I can say to myself well they were married anyway, so maybe its better off. I hate what I am writing. I hate myself. Not because I think I'm a bad person, I'm just so fucking cliche, and I try to set myself apart for being honest and real, when really im just as pathetic of the rest of the fucks out there that are afraid of rejection.

Why is this? i dont know. i could be the fact that i slept around a lot when i was younger or that every single relationship i have been in was mentally painful in some way. Isnt it that way for everyone though? I mean okay, so maybe my cases are somewhat extreme. One of my high school boyfriends cheated on me all the time, and I let him, and let him treat me like shit, and still missed him? Or perhaps that I didnt have any meaningful relationships in college bc i faked myself into believng that I was in love with someone that i wasnt for like 4 years.(again this screams fear of rejection). Or that my next boyfriend as it turns out has a drug problem (and did while we were dating) and ended up leaving me for an internet porn star? Oh wait I skipped the dentist that I dated in peru that as it turns out had a live in girlfriend the whole time when we were dating and also was trying to date my roommate at the same time. I mean i tend to reduce it all to robert who just basically lead me on for a year and a half. This is a large part of it, but obviously not the whole story. Oh yeah and throw in a couple of adulterous affairs too.

he says all girls tell me they are crazy? he has no idea. oh who is this he? he is this guy that i want to like me so i can treat him badly. he is kind of cute, ie he looks like robert. I already was a pretty big bitch to him. And Im suprized he hasnt called? shocking really. okay back to my paper. internet honestly isnt a replacement for the real thing, but i dont really feel like boring anyone with this right now anyway.

Just a quick one

2007-03-30T17:00:00.000-04:00

I have decided that I dont want a boyfriend, a dog, children, husbands or any of that. I just want Koi.

I quit.

2007-03-06T10:11:00.001-05:00

I am bored with blogs. I would rather keep my self-endulgence to myself.
Miss me.
xo
lb

Change is in the air

2007-03-05T12:21:00.000-05:00

I just got Netflix. All along I have been trying to hold onto the so-called spontaneity of video rental. But if I have to hear Taylor suggest that we watch When the Levees Broke one more time, I might vomit. I would ask for recomendations, but I am not so sure my audience is up to the challenge.

Protest for homework

2007-03-02T12:10:00.000-05:00

This morning on our way into the office, Taylor and I ran into a road side protest in front of the Bethesda Chevy Chase High School. It was early before eight, does school start that early? It was difficult to say what exactly they were protesting about, mostly against war and against Bush. There was one for stop racism(Taylor particulary liked this one) and another about health care and even one about Lockheed Martin. It kind of looked like these kids were serving out punishment for supporting the war, you know talking shit in studyhall about the non-binding resolution, and their liberal educators made the come out in the streets for public embarassment. Well either way it was entertaining, but next time give your protest a little pith-I couldn't tell what the hell those agnsty kids or there sweater vest wearing teachers were talking about, but it is a public school so what can you expect.

Sickness

2007-02-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

and I don't mean it in the way people from California say cool. I mean I am actually sick again. It sucks.

I guess I like pearls better.

2007-02-26T21:15:00.000-05:00

I just went to the gym instead. Larry Diamond has a mustache, gross, facial hair.

Diamonds are a girls best friend.

2007-02-26T16:17:00.000-05:00

but are Larry Diamonds? To keep my brain from atrophying, I am trying to keep it involved with academic pursuits, at least superficially. I mean lets be honest, I could say that I am going to see this accomplished academic speak about democracy building because I am genuinely concerned with the development of what I believe to be the most humane political condition for people to live grow and excel in would be a total stretch. I want to go for the same reason that George Michael wants to see GOB make the yacht disappear, because its a big awesome mind puzzle. No, not in theory, in practice. I wish Gob was my date.

Shopping is a feeling

2007-02-25T13:00:00.000-05:00

Last night was fun. I am surprized. I had intended on being anti-social. That didn't workout. The evening started with dinner at Sushi Taro with Mere. We ate an obscene amount sushi, it was delicious, not the fermented soybeans.
We probably offended some people in the restaurant, sometimes it is hard for me to leave a public place without offending someone. Oh well.

We came home and picked up Dave and Pamela and went to a party, I think it is fair to say that we made the party.

Then we went to a bar called the Reef. Diana was there. She rules.

Afterwards we had a dance party at our house, we danced to Scissor Sisters and for some reason, my beret is stuck in the chandeller. Kurt came up and yelled at us. I feel a little bad about it, but not too bad.

Dear Unknown Country:

2007-02-23T08:42:00.000-05:00

You have been reading my blog. I do check my site meter.

(I should probably be ashamed of this, but I'm not. I write this blog for some sort of annonymous self validation, and for free therapy, and because I think I am funny. So I guess I am supposed to check my site meter, if I wanted to write down my feelings, etc and not have anyone read them, I would write in a diary, and keep it locked under my bed, next to my mirror, razors and cut up pens(that is a joke-see I am funny). (Do children write in diarys still or are they a thing of the past like discmans?))

Unknown County, I am mostly just interested because I would like to be an unknown country as well. How does one accomplish such anonminity?

Confusion:

2007-02-21T09:17:00.001-05:00

Like many women that I know I think think and rethink my relationships to a point where they end up one big jumbled mess in my cute little head. I tend to confuse, physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. I tend to confuse my desires to find the perfect partner with the person I happen to be with at the moment. I tend to confuse my individuality with the picture of person I think they might want me to be. I tend to confuse people with similar tastes, at least in film, and general style as being suited for each other emotionally.

Is this emotional immaturity? Is this a case of just not knowing myself well enough? Is this something inside of me saying that I should wait longer before becoming intimate (physically, emotionally, what is the difference?) with someone. I’m not sure. I used to be very insecure with this deluge of emotions that seems to pour down on me at any given time. But that has changed. Recently a friend paid me a really nice compliment, she said that she found my honesty about my emotions comforting and endearing, comforting because she knows she will never be as crazy as I am. That was pretty much the nicest thing I have heard in a while.

I spoke a while ago about embracing my emotional wardrobe, oddly enough after the first time I ended it with RSK. I am comfortable with it. I know that I got back into this pseudo or quasi relationship with RSK because I told myself I was happy with the time I got to spend with him. I was, and he was, but I wanted more, and he didn’t. End of Story.

Once again, I am embracing my emotional wardrobe, but I don’t want to dwell on it. I am going to fill my life with the things I want to do, graduate school, films, arts, friends. So not to ignore my feelings, but I know those feelings, I have had them all before. At a certain point in my life, I decided to stop doing certain things because I knew what it felt like, and I didn’t want to feel that way(sorry to be so cryptic). Emotions are harder to control, but for now I will keep them in check, and look to the other things around me because when you think about it, I really am one lucky bastard.

Fair Trade Fashion Show

2007-02-20T23:01:00.000-05:00

Im going to one next Wednesday. I am hoping to get some sweet avant-garde fashion tips from starving Somalians. My roommate might come to meet some fair trade models. The really sad part is that the entire audience, less one, will be wearing the newest style from Ann Taylor Loft.

Ahhh.

2007-02-19T10:38:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like a fur hat to help you get over an old lover. I think it is made out of rabbit. I love rabbits!

like a funny bone

2007-02-18T20:06:00.000-05:00

yeah, it hurts.

Dominating the Market: 28%

2007-02-16T09:50:00.001-05:00

So I am bored at work and bored with the idea of writing about things I do not love about DC. It is just going to make me want to jump off the Woodrow Wilson Bridge.

Lets talk about something different Florida, Florida Culture. I mean I am immediately inclined to think that Florida culture is made up strictly of White Trash and Gay Cubans. I know this is not fair, but no one from Florida reads this, and they would probably think it is funny anyway. I was reading Forbes today and Florida has rank in seven positions on the list of top 25 cities for undergraduates to move to post college. I mean I guess Ashton Kusher really brought back the white trash look (you know that foam and mesh hat thing), but I didn’t think everyone in college was a gay Cuban or white trash, but hey I didn’t have a lot of friends in college, so maybe I am wrong.

Oh and sorry for forgetting about the white hairs. Florida has got a lot of those too.
Well good for Florida they have really been trying to attract the young crowd by cutting income taxes for so long, and they have all of these weird tax shelter laws and such, ie that is why OJ moved there so the Goldmans couldn’t get his money. So I guess that is good for Florida, but please let me know the next time you see anyone normal that is not in Palm Beach County or Collier County. Then I might consider Florida to be a state for me, but hey I am easily swayed and I do love grapefruits.

Feeling the love:

2007-02-15T10:26:00.000-05:00

Okay so there is this website is running this bit about the top 5 reasons why people who contribute and read their website love dc. I think the kids that run this website are pretensions losers that embrace the base superficiality that they supposedly disdain. Whatevs. Maybe I do it. I do like irony.

5-Local dc politics are so funny that it is probably made fun of on some satirical animated television show, like the simpsons or the family guy. I don’t really watch those shows, but I imagine they would capture the absolute hilarity of a city like mine that adores a crack smoking mayor and had funny inside jokes about the utter uselessness of organized government in ¾ths of the city. CSNA, Phil Spalding and Lynn Coffin play a starring role in this category as well.

4-E street Cinema-now I know that if I lived in a real city(New York, LA, London) the movie theater options would be way better, but hey ill take what I can get. They have most(not all) of the artsy-fartsy, indy-shimdy shit that I like, and I like Stella Artois, and I always have one which for me is very enjoyable.

3-Riding my bicycle everywhere, and almost year round is a big perk. Plus I don’t really have to wear a helmut, which makes me feel cool. DC is also just hilly enough so I can get a bit of exercise and get a little sweaty.

2-Sundays are family days-Brunches, HBO, hangovers, friends, family, soup.

1-Neighborhood set up makes it really easy for me to judge people-the douchebags of the Gtown; the hipsters of Columbia heights; the gays of Dupont; the staffers of the hill; not to mention NE, SE, and SW. It all makes it so convenient for me to engage me one of my favorite pastimes. Oh also, lets not forget NOVA and Maryland, yuck.

Please see tomorrow installment for 5 reasons I do not love DC.

VDay present to myself, because yes, I am that lovely

2007-02-14T15:31:00.000-05:00

I just WON a fur hat on ebay. I am so excited. Now all I have to do is find my Dr. Zhivago.

Sex and Caviar

2007-02-14T11:22:00.000-05:00

Two things which I would normally want on Valentines day are making me sick to my stomach just to think about. I am sick. I think it’s the flu, my doctor friends told me it probably was. I am taking antibiotics already-thank god some experimenting in college has made me less reactive to taking pills from a bottle that doesn’t bear my name. Anyway thoughts of sex, caviar, and champagne are not doing much for me at all right now. I can barely keep my eyes open, my body is so sore it feels like I have just run a marathon and my tastes and olfactory senses are no where to be found.

I heart New York(like one of those cheesy t-shirts) and all of my friends that live there.

2007-02-12T08:32:00.000-05:00

One can only hope

2007-02-08T17:13:00.000-05:00

That Anna Nicole Smith is the new Tupac Shakur. I certainly hope that she continues to make fantastic diet pill commerials long after her death.

No idea

2007-02-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

have no idea who

<----this girl is. I know I have seen her before, but what was she doing at my house. I probably even said hello to her in a familiar way. I hope she A-doesn't know who I am B-doesn't read my blog and C-never comes near me in the future.

If you were a genre of art what kind would you be?

2007-02-06T10:24:00.000-05:00

This thought swept over me on Sunday when I was visiting one of my favorite places to think freely in town, the Hirshorn. It was a good visit. I was hungover and feeling pensive, and the museum was mostly empty and the new installation isn’t up yet, so I felt no pressure to be in the know. The visit was nice, I let myself misbehave I visited the museum shop first, visited what surely is my favorite public bathroom in town. I made commitment to myself to make my visit to the museum a modern performance piece in itself. I danced a little while no one was looking, I struck a pose in front of my favorite Mondrian. I embraced the complexity between organic structures and chemical structures, which in fact are one in the same. I made someone fall in love with me, by pretending to be interesting. One of the best parts was sitting in an open room with a large window looking out onto lots of federal looking buildings. I made fart noises with my mouth, and watched people walk through a piece sitting in plain sight. It was a fun hour. Ultimately I did come to a depressing conclusion, I am an impressionist painting trapped with an overwhelming longing to be a neoplastic.

Bjorn Lomborg and the apple bites back.

2007-02-02T08:34:00.000-05:00

So, I know that I hold the largely ceremonial role of the Clean and Green Comittee chair on my (former) neighborhood association, but I am soo sick of these environmentalists making this dramatic preamble to something they have told us, time and time again. Today's big revelation: humans cause global warming. Thats right folks you heard it! Not only do humans cause global warming, but with our big SUVs and our wet-dreams of never-ending oil, we are even killing people to cause global warming. Whose fault is it? Well mostly the US, clearly right. Those chinese don't seem to be doing anything to help it either. I mean just think of the CFC's those millions of crazy dog-beating chinese put into the atmosphere. Anyway who wants to point fingers? Me. I blame God?

I don't know, maybe I am a fatalist, but one day the earth will cease to exsist, and I am sure by that time the Lruthbridge line with me a thing of the past(considering the possibility of me procreating in the first place--> not very high).

Bjorn Lomborg's The Skeptical Environmentalist , le piece de la resistance for the neocons in office who would rather spend time and energy killing people to make global warming, is a highly reccomendable read, it you want to justify to yourself that global warming is about as interesting news as the democrats opposing war. I mean, duh.

P.S. I hope that I get lots of nasty responses from my green liberal friends, who drive SUVs. HaHa.

I need an opinion

2007-02-01T08:40:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong/rude to leave my own housewarming party to go see a film? The Killing, my favorite Kubrick(well maybe second favorite) is playing at the AFI, and really who knows the next time I'll be able to see it on the big screen. Actually, I just don't know if I am in the mood to be a gracious host. No, wait. I know I am not in the mood. Oh well. I guess I'll just have to do the cost/benefit analysis on the spot. Though, getting toasted and saying something nasty to someone I might care about, could be more damaging than just acting like an anti-social recluse, right?

Back when I used to be a frat boy

2007-01-30T13:23:00.000-05:00