Preppy is the New Hipster

So this is the post where I bitch and moan about not being able to make up my mind about what i want to do. hopefully, it will help me think about things with improved clarity.

inter-related things that im trying to understand.

1-Where to live. London/DC. Those are pretty much my two main choices at the moment, but I'd probably rather go to Berlin or Barcelona or Brooklyn. I think I'm going to stick with my two top choices. Thats the bigger issue-->the smaller issue is that i need somewhere to live in September. I'm looking at a flat this afternoon. Saraleha refered me to a friend of hers, so I'm hoping that it will work out. Its a little more than I want to spend, but I also can't really deal with looking around at the moment. We'll see.

2-An inter-related problem is a job. I'm applying to jobs in London and DC at the moment. But its also the type of job that is confounding me at the moment. I mean yes, I'm applying at all of the think-tanks and stuff. Its been recommended that I also apply for jobs on the hill, but I would hate to work on the hill. I would hate the people, and the nylons, and the interns. Just hate it. Besides the only interaction I have had with people who work on the hill involved a strange pseudo-foursome with a daschound, a speaker of the house. It was weird. Whatever, I don't want to work on the hill. I have a few good leads in DC. The problem is interviewing. I mean I doubt they will fly me over to DC to interview, but I dont really want to fly over to DC for one or two interviews...hmm. Which is why picking one place and sticking to it, would be much easier. Also, I have decided that I want to do something a bit more creative as well. Like maybe work for Current TV or work for TopShop, or Dover Street Market.

Its actually kind of working itself out that in the states I am applying for politico-type jobs and in London I'm applying for, we'll say, alternative type careers.

3-There is my paper and all of these bigger issues are weighing heavy on my mind and making it difficult to focus on my paper. hmm

Also weighing heavy on my mind. Next week I'm renting a car with john. Awesome. I'm so excited. Road trip. Road sodas.

If anyone has anything enlightening they want to share, I'm open for anything.

Also, I was going to write something passive-aggressive about how tweaks no longer responds when i gchat her, but its probably unfair. she has to work, and think about her own problems with grad school and stuff, and to be honest, when i gchat her its usally just me complaining about boys or whatever. I mean and she has a boyfriend now, so like that probably means she doesnt know how to listen to other peoples guy problems anymore.

you should read this, and you should also read my post below on innards.

Last night was my sister-in-law's final night in London. My brother made reservations at St. John's. He has been obcessed with eating innards, you know, traditional british shit-livers, spleens and stuff. Well as it turned out there were not that many innards available on the menu, but they did have lots of bizarro meats and offered things that I imagine british people ate a lot in the seventeenth century. It was fantastic from start to finish.

To start the ambiance was very cool. The restaurant was in the old meat packing district and it looked like it. the high ceilings, the light fixtures and the sterile whiteness of it all. Added immensely to the dishes we had. The wine, a Cotes Du Roussillon, also added considerably. It was rather fruity, with a nice dry finish. Good selection.

Well lets get to the food. I started with the snails and greens. It was very garlicy and the texture was perfect, chewy but firm, which is probably the most important thing when it comes to snails. More impressive still was the bone marrow that john and steuart ordered. The presentation was beautiful. Four sections of bone(cow femur, I imagine). Came with sea salt, flat leaf parsley, and toast-for the assemble of an open faced sandwich. Bone marrow isn't really my thing, its just too rich for me. But, if that is the way you swing you should definately check it out. It was just so beautiful. Cat had the cuttlefish, which was amazingly tender and smooth.

For mains:
I had the chanterelles and goat curd on toast-Delicious, would have liked more goat curd. I love mushrooms.
Cat and steuart had a beautiful preparation of roast beef. Perfectly rare. Perfect small carrots.
John had the grouse. It was the first day of Grouse season. It was served nearly rare(is this normal). But it was so good. I took a small bite, and my mouth was flooded with flavours. The meat was frangrant, and full bodied so good, and worth every one of the 31 pounds it costs.

Desert were honey roasted figs with creme fraiche and brioche, and lemon sorbet with a shot of russian vodka. Both were fantastic.

Okay I'm not that great at writing about food, but I wanted to try to remember every bit of the meal.

I haven't mentioned the company. I'm too sad to talk about it anyway. I want to live in the same place as John and Cat. I can't believe they live so far away.

despite the fact that i have drank six cups of tea today, and did an engergizing yoga practice, and slept in a little. im going to be in bed by midnight tonight. i have to. needlesstosay i cannot wait for my mothers little helper pills to arrive in the mail. i hope they come today. I have also eating an irrational amount of food today. im a sucker for left overs. i really cannot be left in the same house as food, or else i eat it. i am Pa-The-Tic.

i think my brother and i are going to rent a car this weekend. i cant wait to drive on the wrong side of the road. yeah.

well instead of fasting this weekend....i ate dim sum yesterday, and (finally) I have arrived at the fact that I dont actually like it. While i simply adore the concept with those funny little asians pushing around the carts of mysterious pockets of fun, sometimes i feel like im eating tibetian eyeballs wrapped in taiwanese skins. yuck. also it is so far from being healthy, AND i messed up the time for my yoga class today, so thats that. At least I got to see sarahela this morning while drinking filter coffee out of great cups, plus west-coast bonus, john and cat are coming over for dinner tonight.

i want to fast this weekend. any recommendations? maybe Kombucha.

okay, I'm trying not to talk about my dissertation too much, because its just boring and about dead people. I do, however, want to explore the question about being too old to play dress up. At the moment i am trouncing around the house, making espresso and trying to listen to the whole MGMT cd, but really I just keep going back to my three favorite tracks(you know which ones, wink). I am wearing an XXL white tee-shirt, a green patagonia belt, a weird scarf from tanaznia, jeans in a french roll, red high heels and lots o' white eyeliner. I look like I'm drunk, but I'm not(I wish I was-champagne sounds good, but I have too much work to do or else I would pop down to the shop). I'm sure if I went outside people most likely would think I was drunk, maybe eastern european, or very hip(my imagination).

What does this have to do with my dissertation, you ask? Well for some reason when ever I am stressed about work, dressing up makes me feel better. I can concentrate much more effectively. I'm really not sure why, but I think it may be residual guilt from boarding school, where to be taken seriously you had to dress up. I mean, I am dressed up. But, certainly not in my navy suit and loafers like a good little prep student. (barf). I do it when I am cleaning sometimes too. I think part of it is that I think I am burning more calories when I wear heels, and I always need practice. Time to get writing. I have 10,000 words left. fuck me(seriously it would be a nice break).

Well, perhaps my interest in getting dressed up will pay off afterward, but probably not. I just got a call from Zebra Management. Okay, hold on. Last week, I got stopped on the street, and asked if I wanted to participate as an extra in film and tv. I said sure assuming I would never hear from them. They took my picture, and that was that. I just got a call from them asking some more questions about me, and seeing if I had any experience. Hillarious. I am mildly flattered, hang up, and I decide to check out the website. OMG. Not sure if there is anyway I could do something like this and take myself seriously, since it kind of looks like an advert for pediafiles. I would definately want to go by Ruthie B. Though after I told them I was 25, 5'3" and have no experience I seriously doubt I'll be hearing from them by next Tuesday.

I think. If you are thinking of a gift this might do. Exciting, I also just found out my friend Kate is moving here. Maybe I will try to make a go of it here. If Max could do it at Grover Cleveland, I can do it here.

Gareth. Thanks, Blair. Now I really don't want to sleep with him.

What a bunch of fucking assholes that I go to school with. So finally I decide to go to the library because I need to pick up Stephen Neff musings on the Laws of War. A book which the online catolgue says is on the shelf. I go the shelf, and wha-la(sp?). its not there. But there are like 10 books strategically hidden around the room all related to international law and war. Not mine though. Those f-ing bastards. I just find that completely unacceptable. I'm pretty sure they are writing about american neglect of international law. what a boring and stupid topic, like my mother talking about how she thinks bush is going to get impeached. pu-lease. its a waste of time anyway. I reported the book missing and yelled a bit at the library guy (not a librarian, but surely a phd in library sciences or james joyce. Then I watched Missy Elliot videos on youtube to blow off some steam.

Also, I just ordered some Modafinil on the internet. Google it. I havent been so excited since I got my roommate to sign up for match dot com a few days ago. I know that this is ultimately stupid, and bad for my health, but I found about it in a magazine at the yoga studio, so I maintain that it is healthy on some level. I'll let you know how it goes. If I don't have a heart attack.

Its not like it was totally random, and its not like the squash date didnt go well. It just kind of happened. I am totally confused and in the dark about what happened on the squash date. Okay he is so hot and really fit. I dont know if there were sparks. I think that is probs equivilent to saying I dont know if I had an orgasm, meaning that there weren't sparks or orgasms.

I can't tell if Richard wants to be 'buddies' or if he wants to kiss me. He was very serious on the court. He was trying really hard. I won, thankfully, but it was close and I was breathing heavy and sweating alot. He is just really serious. I dont know. We were flirtacious i think. After being depressed yesterday afternoon I was really not at my best. Whatever. I dont know, there are lots of things about him that I want to know. It was fun chatting with him, but he is pretty shy, which i think is sexy and mysterious.

We went to the Rake afterward had two beers, and then we left. He was running home. He ran to work in the morning, god he has a hot body. No kissing, there was an awkward half-hug/half-kiss on the cheek. He also wrote me a sweet text message about playing again next week.

After that I went and saw some school friends and gareth and brought him home with me. We made out(etc.) on the couch for a while watching lolita. It was hot. I told Gareth 'I love you in a sort of funny way'. He said so too. I meant it, but I don't want to see him again. I want to see Richard. Just got another text message from him, he prefers to be called rich(I asked-this wasnt unprovoked). That is going to be problematic for me. I hate the name Rich it reminds me of New Jersey. I'm confused and getting really behind on my paper.